Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
