I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
