Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
