i don't like sucking hair
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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