hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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