I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
