I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
