I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize