she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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