i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
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