we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Barsexuality is the new black.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
