you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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