She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
