is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
