I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
