I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize