Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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