I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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