Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
