I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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