I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
