We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
