If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
