you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
