Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
