And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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