Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
