if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
