Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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