Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
