next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
