you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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