do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
