Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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