so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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