hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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