I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Randomize
