Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
