He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
