I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
