Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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