Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
