I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
