Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
