If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
