guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
