I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
