You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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