i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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