I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
