drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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