Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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