I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
