I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
