D3 body, D1 cock
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
