ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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