Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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