I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The beer is more important than you right now.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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