I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize