Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
