I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Little spoons don't ask big questions
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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