You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
