best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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