I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
