You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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