She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
