You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We're too hungover to prance.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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