I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
